Greetings and salutations, kiddies. Please pardon the extended absence, but Krampus has been a bit preoccupied as of late. And thank you to those behind the scenes offering words of wisdom and assistance to my time of need. You see children, I have been reminded once again how much I want to kill someone.
No, seriously. I'm talking about the desire to commit assault, torture and murder upon someone.
Of course, the other party started it, and I simply wish to end it. But alas, the kind of fantasies I've been having as of late would be better suited to fiction to be enjoyed by all instead of criminal acts that although would surely be entertaining, would also be illegal and a jail sentence would most certainly be an annoyance for my future plans. So out of respect and what some would say, a twisted and undeserving belief in the justice system, I'll deal with this particular problem in the light of legality.
This of course brings me to my topic today. Simply because I have respect in the way the justice system is supposed to be, doesn't make me blind to times when the society machine breaks down. Natural catastrophes, riots over much publicized court cases, sporting events gone wrong, man-made disasters. Power blackouts, whether caused by solar charged particles overloading our systems or an electromagnetic pulse. Fire. Explosions. Fears of pandemics. Mass hysteria. Rising crime rates fueled by a pathetic economy. The collapse of everything you know, leaving only your own code of ethics, standards of morality and plan on saving your lives and the lives of those you care for.
Would you be ready for it?
Now, I'm not attempting to engage in fear mongering. There's enough of that out there as it is. But every now and then, it is the norm to hear of some coming catastrophe that will shake the pillars of your foundation, and people fear what may happen. The next large event dealing with this is December 21, 2012. The end of the Mayan calendar, coinciding with the Hopi and other beliefs that with the Earth's planetary alignment with the galactic center that, coupled with an 11 year cycle of sunspot activity, may turn the Earth on its axis, reversing the poles, setting off earthquakes, storms, not to mention people freaking the fuck out and believing that since God has either turned his/her back on them or doesn't exist, they're fucked either way so they're going out with a bang. Might as well watch porn on a stolen flat screen or have your way with the neighbor at knife point.
Then of course, there's the pattern of survival, moving on, then the same dick worrying about the next one. And the next. And the next after that. After we survive 2012, the next bit of doomsaying on the docket is the asteroid Apophis, a potentially life ending asteroid making its way near our little orb in 2029, then again in 2036 on Easter weekend. That reminds me, if Jesus was instead killed by an asteroid collision with Earth, would his holy symbol today be a porous rock? Or maybe a comet? Hard to say, considering if you're lucky enough to come back 3 days later, not many other people would be around to witness the tomb opening. Hell, maybe Judaism would have a resurgence in that case, screaming 'I TOLD you that carpenter was full of it!'
But I digress. I've heard enough people claiming that we are in the end times, even stating we're already IN Hell. This of course, I can't help but scoff at. Then again, I can't help but think I see where they're coming from every time I look in the mirror.
Now, I'm not saying that one should start fearing every day and acting like a survivalist, but consider the possibility that even if you don't believe the worst would happen, other people will. And consider the collective relief to some people thinking that there would be no consequences to their actions, so they could do anything they wish, fuck tomorrow, they're all going to die anyway. So why not have a little revenge? Shoot your neighbor in the face for buying that new car you always wanted, rape the wife, throw their little snot nosed brat who's been bullying your kid into a wood chipper legs first! Why not? Nothing else matters! There's no consequences!
Of course, these people would be wrong. There are ALWAYS consequences! Be it from divinity, guilt, karma or someone witnessing your actions with a zoom lens, things always have a way of coming back around. That's what Krampus is all for. Yes, you're free to act a damn fool. And the cosmos is free to enact justice upon you for doing so. It may take a while, but things tend to come around, helped along or not.
One site I love is ZombieTools.net a wonderful place made for the zombie apocalypse enthusiast in all of us. Not only are there wonderful shirts(the Che Guevara is adorable), but they also have survival tips, ideas for weapons and even manufacturing hand made and sharpened blades from long knives and machetes to full sized swords that aren't designed simply for hanging on the wall, but for actual use in combat! Even they mention in the absence of a zombie apocalypse, there will always be the ebb and flow of social upheaval or need for a weapon of personal protection that doesn't involve wasting ammunition.
So please boys and girls, be mindful of one's surroundings. Hope for the best, but at least have a plan for the worst. After all, if all it would take for some to go ballistic and begin a slaughtering spree is the perception that the end of the world is nigh and nothing else would come of it, do something to watch over you and your loved ones. As for my desires...like I've been saying, all in moderation. And although revenge might be amusing, I'm sure if the end of the world were to happen, I'd have better things to do than go out looking for trouble. If it came to ME however...well hell, if the stores are closed or raided, why let good meat go to waste? Say what you will of the family in Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Donner party, at least they were survivors. And less hungry than average.
Am I joking? I suppose we'll have to wait until the Apocalypse to find out.
Happy Halloween. Christmas is just around the corner. And so too are Krampus Nights.
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